Learn to let go because you will never beat the bastards

Immediately after her visit to see her personal file, Hannah bumped into Lettie outside the personnel manager’s office. As a housemistress of one of the girls’ boarding houses, and a badly behaved one to boot, Lettie showed remarkable calm and poise around the school. She was also a good egg and there weren’t too many of those around who one could trust. She had also been a supportive friend to Linda, the head of girls’ games, having seen her through many a bad time with her male chauvinistic colleagues in the games department. She was amazed when she heard Hannah had gone to see her personal file.
‘It’s always been said there was a file on us somewhere or another,’ Lettie pointed out quickly.
‘Yes, there will be but you’re allowed to go and look at it, by law,’ replied Hannah.
‘I don’t think I want to go and see mine! I would be afraid of what I might find.’
‘Well, it was a little difficult reading mine, I must admit. The headmaster’s a good man though, don’t you think?’ asked Hannah, being overly generous with her sentiment but at the same time testing the waters of her ex-colleague’s opinion. She had only just read what pupils and staff had been writing about her behind her back so why she was feeling this positive about the whole business was anybody’s guess, particularly as she got the impression that Watt Grayman had been swept away with the tide of his staff’s negative opinion of her.
‘Well, if you think that keeping yourself squeaky clean by getting everyone else to do the dirty work for you is acceptable, then that’s ok but it’s certainly not my idea of how it should be done. We can’t afford to keep losing good females like you, especially if they’re a mathematician or a scientist.’
It was clear Lettie was on Hannah’s side of the fence, not that Hannah ever doubted it, and by the time the two women parted, Hannah had already decided her next step. She was going to visit Sandra, Nadolf Fitler’s secretary, to look at her science file. She guessed Nadolf most certainly would have kept such a file and whilst she knew that to do so was illegal, she had to be very careful in trapping the school into admitting its existence. At least then she would secure some level of satisfaction amongst all of the madness and upset around her.
‘Hi, Sandra. How are you?’ greeted Hannah cheerily, as she stuck her head around Sandra’s office door. ‘I’ve come to see my file. Is that OK?’
Sandra immediately stopped what she was doing to look up at the unexpected intruder.
Her apprehensive body language is a dead giveaway, thought Hannah to herself, but at least she’s not denying the file exists.
‘Um…Nadolf’s not here today. He’s gone to his cottage in Oakham, in the Midlands. He lives near where you’ve bought a house, by the way.’
‘Oh, my God. I don’t believe it!’ Hannah exclaimed, knowing Sandra would repeat her comments straight back to the bully. ‘That’s a bit of bad luck having him still around! Anyway, what about this file? Please may I see it?’
‘I’ll have to ring Phosgena and ask her permission before you do that.’
And why would you need to do that, Hannah thought? You’ve been involved in putting letters and papers together against me, haven’t you? In an illegal file kept in the science department?
The fact that a low, two-faced creature such as Sandra might have been involved in her losing her job sickened Hannah to the base of her stomach. Sandra was all smiles for the men but a bitch to the female science staff, often abusing the fact that she worked for Nadolf. She saw how he behaved and tried to emulate him. Hannah wondered how she slept at night.
‘It should be OK with her,’ Hannah proffered, as Sandra picked up the telephone to ring the personnel manager, ‘because I’ve only just come away from seeing her myself.’
‘Well, she doesn’t seem to be there at the moment. Maybe we should try later on.’
‘That’s OK. I’ll come back again. Thank you for trying,’ she added as sweetly as she could and, without saying another word, left the sad, frog-eyed creep to her work. Who’s to say she did not immediately get on the telephone to Nadolf in his country hideaway to warn him of impending trouble?
Let them stew in their panic, Hannah thought.
They all deserved it.

‘Hello? Vernon speaking,’ she heard her colleague say as he picked up the telephone.
‘Vernon? It’s Hannah.’
‘Oh hello, Hannah. How are you?’
‘I’m fine, thank you. Are you OK? You sound as if you’ve got a cold.’
‘No,’ he reassured her, laughing. ‘I’m OK. This is just me on holiday.’
Hannah knew immediately what he meant. It was now known in the medical field that a period of rest immediately following a highly stressful phase in the workplace could elicit flu-like symptoms, making one feel all the more worse for having what was a well-deserved rest.
‘Vernon, I’ve just spent the last hour and a half reading my personal file.’
‘You’ve been to see it, have you? Good girl.’
His positive and reassuring response instantly convinced Hannah she had done the right thing.
‘Yes, I’ve been to see Phosgena and I must admit she was very helpful. She just let me have a look! She even didn’t mind when I asked her if I could take copies away with me, although I haven’t got any yet. I was amazed!’
‘Well done.’ He sounded genuinely pleased for her, though he would have expected this sort of response as it was Phosgena’s legal duty to allow Hannah to both see and have copies of papers kept in her personal file.
‘Look, Vernon, I don’t want to drag this business on any more but there is one particular issue I would really like to pass on to you which is very interesting and could, maybe, complete the gap in the whole picture. Would it be possible to meet up some time?’
‘What about this afternoon?’ offered Vernon, helpfully.
‘That’s great. What time?’ Hannah looked at her watch. It was already 1.45pm.
‘About two o’clock?’
Hannah was surprised at Vernon’s eagerness to meet up with her, even though he had always been supportive of her situation at all times. On the other hand, though, he could have been fed up with her little chats and wanted to get this one over and done with.
When the two ex-colleagues finally met up in the quietness of one of the rooms in the common room basement, Hannah related to Vernon exactly what she had found in her personal file, including what had hurt her the most: Timmy’s emails, proving without doubt that he had been the prime instrumentalist in her losing her job.
‘Timmy even wrote to Watt Grayman saying that the relationship between the biologists and me was so bad that it was inconceivable that I could stay at the school,’ she reported bitterly.
‘But that’s untrue!’ exclaimed Vernon, aghast.
‘Yes, I know that but it’s too late now. The damage has been done and there’s no going back.’
‘Yes, you’re right but don’t forget,’ he reassured her, ‘if you ever need to chat, you only have to contact me at any time. You know that.’
‘Thank you, Vernon. I appreciate that but as I explained to you just a short while ago, I really do need to draw a line under this otherwise it’s going to drive me crazy.’ She stopped for a moment to gather her thoughts and feelings together.
‘There’s only one other thing left I want to say to you, one which might give you a clue to this whole affair.’ Hannah looked at the wall in front of her, thinking of the best way to describe Justin and the effect he had had on her life. She took a deep breath, and turning her head towards him, met his eyes full on.
‘This is going to be difficult to say, Vernon, but in my last school I went out with a musician for a long time; over four years, actually. Before I went out with him, he had rather a reputation for having relationships with sixth formers.’
Hannah paused, noticing that Vernon was leaning forward as he listened to her intently.
‘No one warned me beforehand about this man; the senior management even knew all about his misdemeanours but did nothing about them. After our relationship ended, his past behaviour caught up with him and he lost his job. He’s now barred from teaching and, of course, he’s on the Sex Offenders’ Register.’
Vernon nodded his understanding, as if he knew…
‘His bad behaviour had nothing to do with me at all,’ she continued, looking down at her hands as she twisted them together, indicating her deep-seated upset over the whole affair. ‘And, I’m glad to say, I didn’t accept his offer of marriage. Obviously, when he lost his job this had a devastating effect on many at the school, including myself. Unfortunately, in a moment of off-guard, I told Timmy I was still upset by what had happened to me in one of our meetings in his office.’
Hannah simulated Timmy’s bodily response to her hidden past. It had been a strange response and one which had taken on a different and more sinister meaning the more she discovered about Timmy’s past during her short time at Faggs School. She thought of the pain she had suffered at losing her job and the regret she later felt for telling Timmy about Justin in the first place.
‘After Timmy’s seemingly supportive understanding of what had happened to Justin, I told him I didn’t want or need his sympathy, and that it was all in the past.’
Vernon quietly nodded his understanding.
‘The reason I’m telling you all of this, Vernon, is because within the last week or so Vivian informed me Timmy also has a similar history with a sixth former who has since left the school. Her name was Ruth Elkington. Did you know her?’
Hannah had, in fact, known for a couple of months but she wanted to avoid broadcasting the fact – because she had only recently tried to get something done about it.
Vernon looked at her, silently. If he showed little surprise at her personal revelation concerning Justin, he was certainly surprised now. Had Timmy really colluded to get rid of Hannah on the basis of his implied sexual history with a sixth former?
‘Yes, I remember the girl well.’ he replied in a subdued manner. ‘But I didn’t know anything about this.’
‘Well, I’m not surprised because it would have been kept confidential. However, to continue with my story, I also unfortunately told him I was writing a book, about my life, and I firmly believe that this is at the root of why he tried to get rid of me, particularly as he is the only person in school who I told.’
She had, in fact, told Timmy the book was solely about her relationship with a sex offender but she did not tell this to Vernon nor did she tell him it was about English public schools in general and their capacity to produce paedophiles, although she reasoned he might have come to that conclusion himself.
‘This is all very bad timing for you,’ he suddenly declared, smiling at her. ‘Here we have Vivian and her book…’
‘Yes. And the school tried to slap a high court injunction on her.’
‘Yes. It was all very messy.’
‘You know all about that then?’ she asked. He nodded his head.
‘And here you are also declaring you are writing a book,’ Vernon continued, giving the distinct impression he knew all about that as well, although she could never remember telling him.
‘Yes, but I came to this school having already started the book,’ she added, trying to sound convincing,
They both laughed, for some strange reason. It was only a theory but she thought it a plausible one. Timmy was afraid of his own history and here she was writing a book on paedophiles. If her sense of perception was correct, Timmy must have had a lot to hide and an even greater amount to lose. She knew her theory had to be correct because today, reading his emails to the headmaster in her personal file, had sealed it for her.
He had, in no uncertain terms, conspired to get rid of her.
Hannah took a deep breath and continued on with her story.
‘According to Vivian, she confronted Timmy with her assistant housemaster, to warn him about what was being said behind his back. I think the situations are linked, don’t you, and could be the missing link in the chain?’
‘But he always gave the impression of being so helpful?’ mused Vernon, as the events of the last few months rapidly passed through his mind.
‘He may well have done, to give everyone that impression,’ she agreed, thinking how he had approached the Bursar to get him to pay Hannah her wage in August.
Or had he? On reflection, it would have been a wonderful gesture but why had he wanted Vernon to keep it a secret from her? Unless, of course, he had been lying! She remembered how he declared how unsure he stood professionally with Sarin Fleischmann and Watt Grayman, which seemed laughable and yet another lie when she thought of the contents of his emails to both of them! It seemed Timmy desperately wanted her out from the school and that he was going to have his way.
And then suddenly, she remembered…Timmy walking into the biology workroom, just before everything came to a head. His computer had been left logged on for anyone to read if they chose to and she recalled quite vividly how vexed she felt when, looking at her suspiciously, he asked her outright if she had been looking at his open files! She had assured him quite categorically she would never do such a thing but, in hindsight, if she had she would no doubt have discovered his defamatory emails about her, to Sarin and the headmaster.
‘If I tell you something about Timmy’s employment history, then you might be able to appreciate why he has behaved in this way,’ began Vernon coolly, as if he was trying to justify the complicity of his evil colleague.
‘A number of years ago, Timmy worked as a biologist in an independent school somewhere in the south. He then had to suddenly uproot to go abroad because of his wife’s job. I think it was Dubai or somewhere like that. Anyway, she’d worked herself up in her company and was doing very well. Well, as you can imagine, moving didn’t go down very well with Timmy because within a short space of time of arriving in the Middle East, the First Gulf War broke out and they had to come back home again in rather a hurry. So, having arrived back in this country at a new school yet again as just an ordinary biologist, Timmy worked his way up to become head of biology and then eventually to head of science. And then, lo and behold, he had to uproot and go north because of his wife’s job promotion yet again. So he arrives at Faggs School, teaching as an ordinary biologist for four years, before Watt Grayman promotes him to the position of head of biology.’
Hannah was taking everything in: a man relentlessly upstaged by his successful wife. It would have been so easy for him to abuse his position of power and take out his frustrations on somebody else and in this case, her. No wonder he appeared so outwardly nice to her. It was in his interest to do so!
‘But this should not have given him the justification to do what he did to me!’
‘I agree but his situation nevertheless might indicate why he might have been driven to do it.’
‘And that was another one of my mistakes as well. All my files, neatly arranged with all this work to just pick out as I needed it, coming in to the school with fresh ideas and opinions. I’ve always had a huge capacity for work but here it just didn’t count.’
‘I’ve said to you before, Hannah, there are several women in this school who are under enormous stress: you, Vivian, Linda, Nigella but I don’t see any men under the same sort of pressure.’
Vernon had intimated these ideas to Hannah several times before and he had also tried to convey them to the headmaster. He had been a generous man when it came to listening to her woes so the time wasn’t right to tell him of Nigella’s collusion in making derogatory notes about her, on behalf of Hirsuter Montage, in her personal file.
‘I’ll go back and see Phosgena tomorrow and get copies of the papers in my file and I’ll show you what Timmy wrote about me,’ she said finally, thinking of the real reason why they had met that afternoon: to pass on solid evidence that Timmy had been more two-faced than any of the two of them could ever have imagined.
‘I’ll await a ‘phone call from you then, shall I?’
‘Yes.’
Hannah left their meeting feeling elated; the missing piece of the jigsaw had finally been found. One day, she would ask Timmy whether her book had been the prime motive behind his unprofessional behaviour towards her but she would have to choose her moment well. Meantime, she needed to get copies of the paperwork in her personal file, especially the emails Timmy had sent to Sarin Fleischman and Watt Grayman. It would be yet another difficult thing for her to achieve but one she would regret not doing once she had left the school. Apart from that, she wanted to see Phosgena Large break out into a sweat.
Yet again.

The next day, Hannah returned to Phosgena’s office to revisit her personal file. This time, she was not only thinking more clearly but she had also warned the personnel manager of her impending visit by telephoning her office beforehand to arrange an appointment. Hannah noted with interest Phosgena’s response to the second invasion of her office.
‘What worries me is this, Hannah. Why have you come to see your file again?’ Phosgena mumbled, after Hannah had walked up to her desk to politely announce her arrival. ‘And two days running, I might add! I thought after yesterday’s conversation there were no further issues.’
Despite disliking the over-weight woman, Hannah felt genuine concern for her feelings, although goodness knows why considering her appalling unprofessional behaviour, especially at her investigatory meeting.
‘I only want to see some papers again, that’s all,’ replied Hannah reassuringly, keeping her answers concise. She momentarily wondered whether Phosgena would refuse her another look at the file but as soon as she had considered it Phosgena reluctantly handed over the file.
Left on her own, Hannah felt a surge of adrenalin suddenly pulse through her veins as she carefully opened the thick, brown file once again. She began to trawl through its contents, file at a time, contemplating whether Phosgena too had nasty things written about her in her own personal file; it was almost impossible to imagine such information did not exist for such a spiteful person.
After thumbing through the file for about ten minutes, Hannah decided to ask Phosgena for some photocopies, to save her the trouble of taking notes. Suddenly, she noticed a pile of papers tidily clipped together underneath the pile of documents she had been reading. Swiftly looking up from her file, Hannah glanced quickly around the large office to see whether anyone was paying her attention.
Shall I, she thought? If I’m careful, I can. But what if I’m caught?
When she scanned the room once again, she noticed Phosgena was still in deep discussion with a work colleague whilst her secretary busied herself with some paperwork. She had nothing to lose but try. Then, calmly and carefully, she slid the pile of clipped papers into the large plastic wallet she had brought with her. All she hoped for now was that Phosgena did not notice the reduction in the thickness of the file and demand to see what she had in her wallet. Then, as if by a pure stroke of good timing, Phosgena waddled over towards Hannah, quietly picked up the depleted file from the desk where Hannah had been seated and took it into a side room. Hannah followed her, like a sheep to the slaughter.
Here goes, she thought, gripping her plastic wallet tightly.
‘May I please have a photocopy of the papers in my file?’ asked Hannah calmly, once she had sat down at the table opposite the personnel manager. It felt like a police interrogation, the like she had seen in many a film or play.
‘No, I cannot allow that.’
But that’s illegal! It’s my right to ask for copies!
‘But I only want a copy of the legal advice from the school solicitor and the list of my alleged demeanours itemised by Nadolf Fitler.’
‘I cannot allow you to have those,’ Phosgena repeated without any explanation, much to Hannah’s frustration.
What was Phosgena afraid of? Openly refusing her copies of letters she was legally entitled to?
‘But if you make a request in writing to me then that would be acceptable. However, you cannot have a copy of the school’s legal advice because that is confidential to the school.’
So a request in writing would give you time to doctor the file, yes? And refusing to give me a copy of any document kept in my personal file? That’s illegal as well, isn’t it?
‘But I would really like a copy of the legal advice because this would have under-pinned what happened to me here.’
‘Look, Hannah. What’s going on? I’m getting very worried about your visits to see Sandra and myself.’
‘But I didn’t see my file when I went to see Sandra. In fact, she wouldn’t let me see it!’
That’s illegal as well! On two counts!
‘And today, I just wanted to check on a few things just like I told you earlier on. I hope you’re not worried,’ said Hannah, genuinely trying to sound convincing. ‘As I told you yesterday, I am not, 100% hand on my heart, going to take legal action against the school.’
You’re reacting as if you’re scared! Scared I would take legal action! As if you were expecting it! As if I’ve got grounds to! If Grayman’s PA was correct in saying I had been stitched up, then you have a great deal to fear!
‘I’ve got the welfare of my two children to consider, Phosgena. I just wanted to check out a few things, that’s all.’
For my book, she thought. For my book!
‘But why are you going around the houses? Asking for a meeting with Nadolf and then coming here to look at your file? Why?’
Why? To catch you off guard; to worry you! And it looks as though I’ve succeeded, doesn’t it?
‘It’s my legal right to come and have a look at my file,’ countered Hannah, feeling more than a little bit nervous. She knew Phosgena’s reputation and it wasn’t for being a pussycat.
‘Yes, I know that but why?’
Hannah began to feel lost for words as Phosgena continued her tirade, with the obvious intent of frightening her.
‘I’ve already told you. It’s my legal right to look at my personal file.’
‘It’s more than that,’ Phosgena spat back, the pupils of her eyes dilated to their maximum. ‘Things are slowly getting back to the headmaster. He knows you’ve seen your file and remember, you’ve signed a confidentiality agreement.’
What’s the confidentiality agreement got to do with all of this?
‘All these references to suicide and your comment yesterday: ‘At least I am still here’,’ she darted back. Phosgena’s mouth was very dry, her lips making a loud sticking sound as she spoke.
‘Hannah, you are breaching your confidentiality agreement.’
‘No, I am not,’ interrupted Hannah calmly, determined she had been bullied enough. ‘Who’s said I’ve broken my confidentiality agreement? Tell me.’
‘Your reference to ’still being here’ – that’s derogatory,’ the woman replied, ignoring Hannah’s poignant question.
‘How?’ Hannah replied, meeting fire with fire. ‘It’s not derogatory at all.’
‘It refers to suicide.’
There was silence.
‘Things are getting back to him, Hannah, and I know what he’s like,’ Phosgena continued to bully. ‘I’m feeling afraid for you, afraid for your fee reduction. He could take it away.’
‘But I haven’t said anything to anyone,’ she lied, hoping that Vernon Peters and her close friends had not betrayed her trust.
‘Your references to suicide at the end of term and in the pub have got back to Grayman.’
‘But any reference I made to suicide was because I was feeling so low at that time. It was just how I felt. That is neither a breach of confidentiality nor derogatory.’
‘A court of law would deem it so,’ countered Phosgena, persisting in her line of illogical argument.
‘But as far as the pub is concerned,’ continued Hannah, ignoring Phosgena’s last comment, ‘I never go to the pub. I went last Friday after a meal with some friends but that was with Watt Grayman’s personal assistant.’
‘Well, whenever it was said, it is a breach of confidentiality,’ Phosgena persisted, beginning to sound like a parrot.
‘Where’s your evidence, then? Who is saying this about me?’ Hannah countered. She wasn’t having any more of this, especially as it was a grossly unfair reflection of how much she had been ‘talking’. She thought of how Timmy had told her colleagues about her losing her job. And her housemistress had done the same thing! No one had confronted them over the issue of breaking the confidentiality agreement, had they?
‘But, Hannah, you’ve slagged off the school in so many quarters,’ she continued after a pause, trying another tack.
‘No, I have not done that at all! That is not true. I have been very careful. People obviously want to know what happened to me because they know something has gone on. But I haven’t said a word! All I’ve said is that I resigned which is what happened.’
And where are these comments you are alleging I’ve made? They are certainly not logged in my personal file?
‘But people you’ve told are not keeping your confidences.’
‘But I haven’t said anything to anyone!’ Hannah insisted, afraid the woman was beating her into submission.
‘I need to warn you, Hannah, that you have now officially left the school. You must not breach the confidentiality agreement.’
‘Yes, you’re right, I have left the school,’ she replied and she was thankful for it.
‘And it will also get out that Hannah Thompson has been to see her file.’
Tough shit, she thought. And why are you so afraid of this information getting out to the rest of the staff, anyway? What are you trying to cover up? And why do you keep going on about this point as if you want to break me? Why are you doing this to me?
‘I’m entitled to look at my file,’ continued Hannah, calmly. ‘And, as I’ve already said several times before, I’m not going to do anything with it.’
Not yet, maybe. But there will come a time.
‘Apart from that, I have to keep a lid on this. It’s not my fault that no matter where I go in this place, people start slagging off the school. I don’t start it; they do. It’s nothing to do with me.’
But Phosgena was no longer listening.
‘Don’t you know how this school works? Any gossip goes around at least five times.’
‘If there’s a lot of gossip,’ said Hannah, wondering how Phosgena knew so much about the issue, ‘then that’s not my problem. It’s something you have to sort out.’
‘I know Grayman,’ Phosgena continued, undeterred. ‘If he decides to take away the fee reduction, then he will.’
This is so unfair, she thought! After all the vicious and critical gossip she had witnessed, here was this overweight, ugly administrator, blaming her for all the ills of Faggs School! She wondered whether Grayman had vindictively engineered their conversation, so that he could trap her into losing her fee reduction which would then completely destroy her and her family…as an inevitable consequence of his own cruel upbringing.
The cycle of abuse. And in Watt Grayman’s case, never to be broken.
Although still very afraid, Hannah was feeling quite triumphant. She had finally come out of Phosgena’s office with the one thing she had marched in to collect.
A pristine, unaltered photocopy of all of the papers kept in her personal file, for her records.
And for her book!

That same day, there was a desperate telephone call to Vernon. Without any prompting on his behalf, she launched into a summary of how her meeting with Phosgena had gone.
‘I have the information I talked about, Vernon. You know. The emails Timmy sent to Sarin Fleischman and Watt Grayman proving he was the one who got the ball rolling in getting rid of me but I have to be very careful. Phosgena knew all about the biologists’ night out at the end of term and how we talked of Jon Jeeson’s suicide. She said Grayman has also heard of my comments about my suicidal feelings and she’s threatening he might take away my fee reduction for the children. I have to very careful about the confidentiality agreement, Vernon. You have no idea how scared I am.’
Hannah was working herself into a state again. There had been enough drama for one day. She wondered whether the time had arrived to tell Watt Grayman how Timmy had spread the rumour of her losing her job. After all, his action had produced a humiliating and difficult hill for her to climb after she lost her job, every single day of the summer term.
Vicious little Timmy, Grayman’s blue-eyed boy.
‘Get in touch with your union rep again, just in case, to forewarn them if anything else happens,’ Vernon advised, calmly. ‘And don’t worry, Hannah, I haven’t said anything to anyone about our meeting yesterday. Of course, you realise the school is still very sensitive about Jon’s suicide five years ago and his wife is still actively trying to change things, particularly the way in which the school doctors carry out their duties in the sanatorium and in the boarding houses. Any mention of suicide is bound to make them jittery.’
Hannah remembered the recent attempted suicide by Zuto one of the sixth formers in Woolcoat House, which had also occurred because of the lack of supervision by his housemaster, and the nurses and doctors in the sanatorium. Poor old Zuto had been sent away from his Japanese homeland to an English boarding school at the tender age of seven and, having become depressed whilst at Faggs School, had overdosed on his own anti-depressant pills, almost losing his life.
‘Be careful, Hannah,’ came Vernon’s final words of wisdom on the matter. ‘If you annoy them, they may become difficult.’
When she rang James, her ex-husband, later that evening, his viewpoint of the situation was the sort of fresh perspective she needed.
‘There couldn’t possibly be any court action!’ he explained carefully to her. ‘And even if the headmaster did decide there had been a breach of confidentiality, it would only be a civil action, not a criminal one as you thought, and you would only have a fine.’
So, it was time to be more careful. She wasn’t in the habit of talking about the whole affair in school, although Vernon had been there for her on many an occasion but she was frightened that even he would carry out the threat he made a long while back: that he would spill the beans on Nadolf Fitler once she had left the school! It was also beginning to dawn on her why there had been so many vacant positions in the biology department over the years: it was not a healthy place to work!
She rang Vivian to ask for reassurance about the fee reduction.
‘Look sweetheart, don’t worry! You’ve done ever so well, not only landing the head of biology post at Flogham School but you’ve also managed to get through a term knowing you were up against Timmy and Nadolf, two of the most egotistical and ambitious males in the school! They wouldn’t dare take away your fee reduction! They’ll all be thinking what the hell have we done, getting rid of someone like you! They can’t do anything against you just because you mentioned how low you were and wanted to jump in front of a car. That’s how you were feeling. That’s not derogatory.’
Hannah was beginning to see the light the more Vivian put forward her viewpoint on the matter. Maybe Grayman would not risk taking away her fee reduction, putting her under even more pressure and so risking a return to her suicidal thoughts. If he did, there would be only one course of action left open to her: an industrial tribunal and the national newspapers. With her career and her children’s education in ruins, what options were there left open to her?
‘But what about my book? I have a strong feeling Timmy must have told Grayman about it as he was the only one I told, apart from you, of course.’
‘Look sweetheart, when I was going through all that malarkey with Faggs School trying to get me to sign a confidentiality agreement over my book, I refused because my solicitor said that no matter what they do, no matter whether they take out a high court injunction against me, they cannot take away the fact that this is my life story; it happened to me and nobody else. And it’s the same for you, darling. It’s your life story and nobody else’s.’
‘Yes, I can see that now but all I want now is for them to just forget me.’
She had never thought like that before, not in any other job but this was different. There was money on the end of it and she needed to keep her children in school and creditors away from her door.
‘Just think of it, darling: Grayman at home with his family trying to be a father and husband for eight weeks over the summer holiday. When they go back in September, they’ll be so busy they won’t even have time to think of you.’
Although this was tough to accept, she had to admit it was what she really wanted right now. There would be no catalogue of letters to Grayman’s door as she had done to Terry Adams at Queensford School. Maybe her record of events would come in the future.
In her book.

After accepting that Phosgena had been trying her best to bully her into silence, Hannah was determined the lies and accusations which were responsible for her demise the first time around would not get to her a second time and result in her losing her fee reduction. She would just have to accept she would never beat the bastards; someone else would do that in the future but not now and not her. She wondered whether Watt Grayman really did believe in God, with his holier-than-thou approach to the management of his staff and whether he was turning out to be like his father before him: a hard-nosed bigot. She remembered Philip’s words at an evening out together when she interrupted him mid-sentence from expounding his theory on ‘the dehumanisation of Faggs School’. It was rumoured amongst colleagues that Philip was leaving the science department because he had experienced enough of Nadolf Fitler and his maniacal ways but if she had allowed him to pontificate about the inhumane changes he had seen in his ten years at the school, he would certainly have bowed out without his dignity. It was inviting to think someone more credible than she would leave their insightful yet scathing opinion of the school as their epitaph, but Philip was too good a colleague and human being to allow that to happen. So, she had stopped him.
The following day, Vivian rang Hannah to see how she was.
‘Oh, I’m fine now. Thank you for being there,’ replied Hannah.
‘That’s OK, sweetheart. Don’t forget you were there for me when I left Faggs School so it’s my turn to repay the favour.’
‘Vivian? Do you trust Olive, especially as she’s on the senior management team?’
‘Look, when it all blew up for me last year, Olive was the only one to come and see me and when I saw her reflection through the glass door I stopped and thought about whether I would let her in or not. As it happened, I did but I told her there and then I didn’t trust anyone from Faggs School. She asked me if I trusted her to which I replied ‘Yes’ and I was right. I found I could trust Olive and she has been supportive of me ever since.’
‘Well, I hope you don’t mind me bringing this up because since my last meeting with Phosgena I’ve been paranoid about losing the fee reduction. I just had to check, that’s all, especially as I revealed my suicidal thoughts that night at Olive’s boarding house.’
‘I can understand your doubt, darling. I became highly paranoid myself based upon the sole fact I couldn’t trust anyone.’
‘It also hasn’t helped that Grayman has heard of our conversation in the pub, about Jon Jeeson’s suicide. Vernon told me Jon’s wife is still actively pursuing the reasons why he committed suicide and, apparently, she’s been responsible for big improvements in the way the school doctors look after staff when they become ill but after Zuto’s recent suicide attempt, there’s obviously still a long way to go.’
‘Well, that’s news to me,’ Vivian replied, sounding confused by this new twist in the Jeeson story. ‘I met up with Jon’s wife for coffee not so long ago, just after she’d moved to Cambridge and she seemed quite willing to let go of the past.’
‘But I thought you said the son is still writing to you about his father’s suicide?’
‘I’m just not sure whether he’s the one writing to me or not.’
‘Why’s that?’ asked Hannah confused, getting the distinct impression some of Vivian’s information about controversial events at Faggs School could vary.
‘Well, the letter is always anonymous.’
‘Anonymous?’
‘Yes. And the son is the only one I can think of who would do such a thing.’
‘What did he say in his last letter?’
‘He compared his father’s death to that of Dr David Kelly, the Government scientist, and because I was teaching at the school at the time of his death, then I should remember what had gone on and known how things had been hushed up.’
‘You mean he’s implying there was a cover up?’
‘Yes, something like that.’
Weren’t the English so expert at this sort of thing? Hannah knew that Jon had been quite ill, bedridden with severe backache and expected to run a large boys’ boarding house from his sick bed. Was the school mad in letting him do this? The man must have been under enormous pressure! Apparently, he had asked for help with running the boarding house so that he could have some time off to fully recover. It was rumoured that Major Monty and his trumped-up deputy, Melanie Heath, had taken the decision not to support Jon at an ill-fated meeting which ultimately led to prolonging the suffering of the struggling, bed-ridden housemaster, and his eventual suicide. What sort of demon headmaster refuses such a simple request from one of his housemasters when he is ill? Was Major Monty’s mind too distracted by his illicit love affair with Melanie, adversely affecting his ability to make rational decisions and finally resulting in bringing the staff at Faggs School to its knees?
It seemed all you needed to become the headmaster of Faggs School was to be an inhumane bastard.
With first class honours.

Whilst Hannah was preoccupied with events in her own life, there continued around her an ever-increasing catalogue of unhealthy stories which circulated amongst staff who lived in at the school. Apparently, one of the male librarians had been found in an illegal relationship with the head girl after the Leavers’ Ball, whilst the two infamous lesbian sixth formers from Livingstone House, expelled before the end of term for assuming a compromising position late one night on their boarding house veranda, crowned their reunion at the Leavers’ Ball with a spectacular exhibition of kissing, in full public view.
It could all only happen in a boarding school!

When her arrangements for moving away from Faggs School were almost complete, Hannah managed to sneak back into Timmy’s office to take photocopies of his curriculum vitae and job application letter, to verify the career disappointments Vernon had told her about. Suddenly, as she was flicking through the typed details of his career history, she stopped dead in her tracks. Timmy had been appointed at the interview she had turned down whilst she was still going out with Justin.
It had been Danny’s rendition of Pacobel’s ‘Canon in D’ on the school organ during assembly, which had seen to that!
The following day, the head grounds man called in to trim some overhanging tree branches so that the removal van could gain access to Hannah’s remote school-owned house. Hannah was immediately taken aback when the man began to make reference to the backstabbing and the need to keep one’s secrets to oneself at Faggs School!
‘This place has gone downhill since this new headmaster, Watt Grayman, arrived,’ he announced openly, in his lilting Welsh accent. ‘The pupils are badly behaved, some of the younger members of staff are not nice, and certainly some of the male teachers do not accept the female teachers. The older teachers are much better but I reckon the school would like to get rid of Olive’s husband, as he seems to do very little around the place: a bit of cricket, some racquets and a few academic lessons, that’s all.’
Hannah listened intently. It had become a common occurrence for employees to off-load quite openly and without prompting what they thought of the school. And she understood completely the point about Olive’s second husband! As a reformed alcoholic, he had gained rather an intimidating reputation for being rude, and a sexist. But poor old Olive was determined to ensure this marriage worked, irrespective of any cost to herself, after her first husband’s much-publicized adultery with a matron in one of the other boarding houses.
‘And I’ve also heard the same said about the head of the design faculty as well,’ the Welshman continued, eagerly.
Hannah had come across the head of the design only once. He had bumped into her quite roughly in the common room during her early weeks at the school and given her such a dirty look she felt like a piece of dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Bizarrely, his action prompted her to say ‘Sorry’ and when he gruffly mumbled something inaudible under his breath, Hannah was left wondering why she had apologised to such a rude man in the first place. At the time, he seemed to be just another sad, ageing bachelor with the usual misogynistic issues usually encountered in bachelor teachers in public schools, but when she discovered he was married she wondered what was making him tick. The truth was he had a reputation for being an unprofessional incompetent, an all-mouth-and-no-action showman; a con-man from day one, by all accounts. He was also a close colleague of the aggressively competitive head of art who, after continuing his career at another famous public school, found himself embroiled in a high-profile court case involving the unfair dismissal of a young female art teacher at the school, amidst her accusations that he had bullied her.
And both men had been the back-biting members of staff Vincent had referred to during his job interview well over a year ago, whilst she was still a housemistress at Queensford School!
‘Of course, Olive’s husband is kept on as a full-time teacher because of her,’ explained the Welshman. ‘She’s a good person, Olive. And take the recent filming of ‘Public School Days’ by that film company and how it disrupted the whole school. It was never intended to bring the school to a standstill, but the new headmaster will lord over it all and take all of the glory. He’s not a bit like Major Monty who knew everybody and always said ‘Hello’ and asked how things were. But this man is totally detached, cold, and even rude. And how he gives everything to his deputy head to do, that can’t be right! And what about that nasty Jill Heaps, the housemistress of Livingstone House? What an evil woman she is! And all because she failed to get a senior management position, turning her into a bitter, backstabbing gossip. She dumped me in it on two occasions and I’ve never forgotten it.’
Although all of this was music to Hannah’s ears because all it did was confirm what she already knew and what she had already experienced, she nevertheless held her counsel and listened politely. She did not want anything she might say or even imply to get back to Watt Grayman. It was far too dangerous. But she really did wish that someone, somewhere could be listening to all of this.
The badly behaved teachers at Faggs School had had their way for far too long. Morality and fairness had clashed too often.
It was time to do something about it.